


anathema

by Incognito



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Blurryface, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Schizophrenia, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, also warning for eating disorders in later chapters, theres probably going to be graphic discriptions of self harm etc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-06 23:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6775159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Incognito/pseuds/Incognito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler has been chucked in to stagehill hospital for the mentally unstable at just the age of 15, he doesn't want to be there but no one will listen... But what will change when he meets long term resident Josh ?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

My eyes slowly blinked open revealing a white tiled sealing. nO

No no no no no

this couldn't be, this shouldn't be. I made sure this wouldn't happen. Why. I shouldn't be here I shouldn't be alive. This isn't right. I should be asleep  
WHERE AM I?  
THIS BETTER BE A FUCKING DREAM  
I attempt to move my hand only to find out it feels like my fingertips where weighed down by anchors. Suddenly my whole body is burning like a blaze my head screams.  
I thought I ended this all ? I thought I destroyed blurryface like he destroyed me.  
But no if this is an illusion then he has really out done himself, my breathes are not my own but those of a machine. I suddenly become aware of a tube that is jammed down my throat. I'm CHOKING the air that is being forced into my lungs to keep me alive is doing the exact opposite it's suffocating me. Why couldn't blurry just let me die, why must he make me suffer this torture.  
An alarm sounds out of nowhere rattling my thoughts hitting the walls of my skull like a sledge Hammer on a brick wall. If this was really all blurry then he has really out done himself. I GET IT YOU HATE ME just stop please. I plead but it to be met by a light burning the image of HIM to the back of my eyes, I am forced to shut my eyes in an attempt to block out the burning but it doesn't work my eyes just fill with tears stinging my cheeks. I attempt to struggle away from the pain but I am met with many hands pinning me down. The tube is yanked out of my throat leaving me emptyer than I have ever felt before. I suck in giant gasps of air in an attempt to breathe THIS CANT BE HAPPENING TO ME. I can here the distant voices off people shouting commands. Maybe this isn't one of blurryfaces sick illusions that make me want to rip my skin apart, maybe this is real ? I cry harder I'm pathetic blurry says so I can't even kill myself right. My nerves all stand on edge as pain pulses through my body,I shake as I feel a sharp piercing pain in my lower left arm. My blood suddenly feels like satin flowing through my veins ,my body feeling as if It's floating off the bed. Is this what it's like to die ?

My mind blanks.  
__________________________________________________________________________________________  
The next time I wake upthere is a weight on the left hand side of the bed . Pain no longer controls my thoughts as I hear the sniffles a silent whispers that I'm not even sure I'm meant to hear. A hand guides it's way through my hair and I hear a small chuckle. It's unmistakably my sisters, shit maddie I don't mean to cause you pain I just need to end my torture from blurry. She whispers in my ear and says "you are so stupid Tyler, why did you do such a silly thing. Mum says you wanted to be with the angels in heaven but I know that isn't true. I've seen your drawings Tyler, remember when I used to break into your room to steal your blanket? I know you are fighting with a monster under your bed. I've told mum and she didn't believe me she told me that you where stupid. We shouldn't listen to her Tyler." Why was I so stupid, I could have tried to deal with the pain and stayed with Madison been a better big brother. How does she even understand she is only 8 ? Where is everyone else ? My thoughts are interrupted by a wet kiss on my cheeks. "Tyler I know you probably think you are a bad brother but you aren't... Dont tell the others but you are my favourite" she chuckles again this one more sad than the last. I want to see her Maddie was the only one I know who really cares. I fight to open my eyes they blink open slowly revealing a diffrent roof but the same piercing light,my face scrunched up in retaliation. Maddie shuffle to my left "tyler, Tyler come on you can do it. Its me maddie". My eyes now fully open to see her large brown eyes in my face and I can almost see the relief wash over her little facial features.   
This moment of bliss gets interrupted by someone barging in through the door and pulling Maddie off of me. The voice of my father's echos through the room "maddison I told you not to come In here, you are not to look at the disgrace you call your brother". Although I was not in any physical pain I felt several stabs to my stomach as I watched my sister being dragged away from Me kicking and screaming. I attempted to shout after her but my throat Is too dry, only a pathetic squeak comes out . **yOU ARE wEAK**  he spat.  
No no no.nO. Please blurry don't do this not just now. This time I scream again and a blood curdling screach leaves my lungs as I collapse back on to the bed. Tears marking my face yet again, WHY AM I NOT DEAD.  
Two nurses charge into my room and give me more of the liquid that makes my body feel as if it's floating and I doze off yet again.  
__________________________________________________________________________________________  
I'm not sure how long I was unconscious for but someone was roughly tapping on my arm and whispering my name, I don't care though honestly I just need some quiet. The pain killers must have worn off as when my mind starts to make sense of where I am a sudden pain shoots up my left arm leaving me unable to function. The tapping on my arm falters as I carefully open my eyes only to be suddenly met by a strange man in a doctor's uniform, my eyes wouldn't focus enough to let me read his name tag. He suddenly pulls a small torch out of his pocket and shines it in both of my eyes Why is he doing this? Just let me die please. I attempt to struggle away from his firm grasp on my face but I can't move my arm , the fuckers must have strapped me down . The blonde haired man clearly sees my discomfort and moves back to sit in the seat beside my bed and without saying a word he pulls out a clipboard and starts writing. This gives me time to get a good look at the man, he looks like quite a reserved man but has kind eyes and a nose that fits perfectly on his face he doesn't look like the usual kind of shrink that you see on tv but I guess he must be one because he looks me right in the eye and says "hello Tyler I'm Mr stump but you can call me Patrick and I'm going to be your therapist". **YOU** **DOnT**   **DESERVE A**   **THERAPIST TYLER. YOU ARE BROKEN BEYOND REPAIR AND IT WILL** **JUST BE**   **A**   **WASTE OF TIME** "is there anything I can help you with ?...a drink?" my head nods profusely my throat feeling like sand paper still raw from my screaming earlier. He stumbles quietly to the corner of my empty room and grabs a glass of water he places it in the bed side table and quickly unites my restraints and sits me up. This is humiliating I think as I rub my sore wrists and shuffle to get more comfortable. Patrick hands me the glass carefully and I immediately take a giant gulp like I haven't drank in weeks but this didn't go to plan and I end up choking and sputtering the water all over Patrick and myself. Patrick just chuckles as he hands me a napkin"you might want to slow down there bud, it's gonna take a while to get your strength back".he's right but it's not like I had much strength to begin with blurry was always wearing me down taking me for everything I was worth, not that it was much...  
After two more minutes of awkward silence Patrick speaks up once more "do you know where we are Tyler?" I grudgingly shake my head I don't want to speak to this man I just want to leave but to leave I must know how, so for now this is just a waiting game."well Tyler we are at stagehill hospital for the mentally unstable. You where moved here by the request of your father from the hospital down the road." My father I should have known the man had always hated me since I was born and I decided I didn't enjoy what I was meant to and cried whenever I was told to play basketball or not be "girly " because I am a man and shouldn't be interested in such things like music and art.These are just stupid rules made up by a stupid society.  
"I hope you do realize that we cannot let you leave because you are under 18 so we need your parents signatures to be able to discharge you so you will be staying here for the foreseeable future." fuck.that's never going to happen, if it was up to my father I would have been locked up a long time ago and never been released. Right now I shouldn't be worried about my father he is far away from me and that's all that matters. "Tyler do you know what happened to you?"  
Ohh I know what happened to me but I don't want to share, what happens behind my hair is for me to know only and none of his god damn buisness ."I understand it might be difficult to talk about and you feel like everyone is against you right now, you might even feel as if your own head is against you but I just want you to know that I am here to help you." **BLAH BLAH BLAH WILL THIS MAN EVER SHUT UP. TYLER** I **HOPE YOU KNOW NOT TO LISTEN TO HIM** **BUT TO ME BECAUSE DO WE REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRY TO MESS WITH ME** ?

His voice sends shivers down my spine and makes my ears scream, if it's not his voice it is the never ending buzz that shakes me down to my foundations. My arms start to itch I NeEd to Cut how long had it been two days ? Maybe even three? I can't do this not know blurry please stop.NOT nOW I scream in my head a silent tear roles down my cheek..."t-Tyler? Are you okay? I'm going to head out I have other patients to attend and you must be exhausted. I'm sorrry for what you have had to go through I really am"  
NO **HES NOT**  
I shudder as Patrick taps me on the shoulder and walks out just as quietly as he enteredand I'm left alone with blurry again slowly rubbing at the scabs forming under my bandages.


	2. colours and names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler meets someone new...

I'm always waking up but I never remember sleeping. I've been in stagehill for just one day and.I'm already more exhausted than I was before I arrived, blurry hasn't shut up for over two hours now. **NO ONE LOVES YOU JUST LEAVE OR DIE. WAIT YOU CANT EVEN DO TGAT HAHAHA**. he shouts in my ear. Patrick has tried to give me medicine to help me fight blurry but I couldn't keep them down. So now I'm stuck in a cold room with yellow walls and a single bed watching all my nightmares happen right in front of my eyes. The walls are dripping with a dark black substance, blurrys trade mark. Why is this happening to me? I don't deserve this blurry please just STOP.

 **NOW NOW TYLER CALM DOWN ITS NOT LIKE IM HURTING YOU...JUST YET** suddenly the black liquid covers me and it burns like nothing has ever burned before, the scream that leaves my lungs isn't even human. I try to run but end up slowched in the corner tears streaming down my face causing the liquid to sizzle. I can't this hurts to much my head weighs five times the size of my body as I lay down still screaming. Each breathe becomes laboured aa I scratch my skin in an attempt to get it off. **THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR TAKING THOSE PILLS TYLER.YOU ARE WEAK.A DANGER TO HUMANITY. YOU MUST SUFFER** , his voice pierces my ear drums like a hot metal rod. No no no I shake my head tears still streaming" I don't deserve this"I manage to scream out but as soon as I'm done the liquid enters my mouth scalding my tounge causing my screaming to become muffled and my breathes to seize. I'm suffocating panic sets in even more than it was before as I bang my head of the wall In a weak attempt to stop blurry, with one final hit my vision blanks out.

 

_________________________________________ My eyes slowly flutter open as I regain conscious yet again,why is this always happening to me?. As I attempt to sit up Patrick walks in with a look of sorrow on his face and fresh plasters in his hand, I remember the events of the night before and look down at my arms. They where littered with scars from blurrys previous attacks and two huge open wounds from when I tried to end it all, shit I must have ripped them open in an attempt to get the pain to stop. "Tyler how are you feeling? You had a bit of a freak out earlier so we sedated you so you could get some rest ." well that explains why I'm in a bed and not curled up in a ball in the corner, Patrick looks down at me expectantly as if I was going to answer his question he should know how I am feeling I just ripped apart my body it's clear I don't want him here so I just shuffle around on the bed to avoid his gaze."Tyler if you won't speak to me how about we take you out to get some lunch ?". Now that I think about it I am starving I haven't eaten in days since I was planning in Being conveniently dead right now.... I don't answer his question but I do slip of the bed just to be hit with a surge of pain in my head, I'm such an idiot I know I can't get rid of blurry so why did I even try. I rub the forming bruises on my face as Patrick leads me down the yellow halls to the cafeteria, it's kinda ironic when you think about it yellow walls. The yellow is meant to promote happiness and I bet half of the people in here have tried to commit suicide in these walls .

 

Patrick gently pushed the big doors open and guides me to a seat, I sit down and try to avoid contact with everyone else in the room because eye contact means involvement and if there is one thing I hate it's involvement with other people. The scare the shit out of me especially when that person it as fucked up as me .

Patrick lays a plate of the blandest food I have ever seen a off white peace of toast and a plastic glass of water, great as if I was going to kill myself with It ... He walks away leaving me alone on a table by my self. Now that I've sat down I'm not really hungry I actually kinda feel like throwing up but I can't run to a bathroom and stick two fingers down my throat because you need permission to leave the dining hall...

Just as I try to take a sip of my water a red blurry object catches the corner of my eye I look up quickly to try and see what this mysterious object was because if there is one thing I know about stagehill it's that there is only two colours aloud and those are yellow and white. The white being yet another desperate attempt to brighten the place up a little. As I gaze up I realise it's a boy I quickly try to avert my gaze and attempt to busy myself in the stale toast but it's to late, to large hazel eyes burrow there way into the back of my mind and the red boy quickens his pace and heads towards me. Shit. His tray hits the table with slight force and the bang makes my whole body retract from the table into my chair,he sits directly in front of me and speaks up with the most cheerful voice I've heard in a while " it's hard to look intrested in something that isn't interesting in the slightest you know" he gestures to my still full plate. I struggle to hide my chuckle as he take a large bite from his toast.

"I'm josh" he reaches out his hand as if he wants a hand shake, I just stare at hs hand blankly it's been a while since I've spoken to someone who seems interested in me and isn't paid to be..he retracts his hand carefully"not a people person huh ? Your gonna fit right in here bud" he giggles. A feeling of warmth spreads over my body. **STOP DONT SPEAK TO HIM TYLER. HE IS DANGEROUS. HE WILL JUST HURT US**. "Do you have a name or will I have to wait ?" he said after a few minutes of silence, I couldn't answer I was to distracted by his red hair I had never seen something so bold, I liked it. My father would never approve he always used to say people with dyed hair or piercings are dangerous and irresponsible, where does that leave Josh he has both maybe blurry is right maybe this boy wasn't to be trusted." like the hair ?" he says running his hand gently through his hair, I couldn't figure why Josh is here at all he seems so perfectly happy. ? He didn't seems 'disturbed ' like most of the people in here he was just normal?. I timidly nod my head I did love his hair it was so bright and fluffy I just wanted to reach out and touch it but I know I couldnt, that would be weird. The urge to touch him was so strong that my fingers started to Twitch as I continued to stare at his hair.

" Wanna touch it ?" he said casually and started to lean his head across the table hell yes I did blurry did too but for different reasons , he wanted me to hurt Josh but I tried not to think about it. My fingers gently stroked the bright boys head soon my fingers where locked in his hair and I was overwhelmed with that warmth again and I guess Josh was to his cheeks becoming red but not so red as if to suggest he was embarrassed but the sligut tinge that comes along with happiness I guess.

I retracted my fingers and continued to look at him drinking in his goofy facial features, he was doing the same but at this moment in time I didn't feel vulnerable or weak I felt strong and blurry didn't say a word.

"Tyler,my name's Tyler".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup I hope you guys like this  
> Pls leave kudos and stuff if you did  
> Aaaah.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey I hope you guys liked this  
> Pls leave kudos if you did :)


End file.
